The Mushroom Groove

When I was sitting all alone,
Chewing my face down to the bone,
Studying walls in this sad room,
Through the door hopped a small mushroom.

'Hello Mr. Morgan sir,
How are you on this day?
I myself am feeling grand,
In fact, a little gay.'

It's fair to say I was confused,
And also rather unamused,
This mushroom man was glowing bright,
A most unnatural, ugly sight.

'Oh please Mr. Morgan sir,
Won't you come to play?
Come join me in my little dance,
I'm feeling rather gay.'

At this point I looked up and said,
'Mr. Mush you spin my head.
How much more time must I pass,
As you proceed to shake your arse?'

'Come now Mr. Morgan sir,
No need to spread dismay,
Just join me in my little dance,
And then I'll go away.'

I did not really wish to move,
Or to dance this 'Mushroom Groove',
And so I asked the spritely 'shroom,
To dance for me across my room,

'Mr. Mush I shall not dance,
But would you mind taking a glance
Across my room, just by the sink?
Mr. Mush, what do you think?'

The Mushroom Man then turned his cap,
Frowning as he eyed my trap,
As I began to sweat with fear,
I'm sure I saw him shed a tear.

'Sorry Mr. Morgan sir,
But that's not very nice.
My cousins on that pizza will
Not lend me their advice.

They won't tell me I should stop
Or let you get some rest,
They can't make me lie down still,
How's this to treat a guest?'

I was not too sure where to look,
I swallowed hard as Mushroom took,
A few small jumps towards myself,
'Mr. Morgan, how's your health?'

The Mushroom Man stood next to me,
'Mr. Morgan this must be,
All you had to do was dance,
And to be fair, you had the chance.'

At this point I just couldn't speak,
My stomach came to feel quite weak.
Then from his cap, just underneath,
The Mushroom Man grew two white teeth.

'Look now Mr. Morgan Sir,
Regard my sharp new toys,
I frankly like to see them as
Revenge for naughty boys.'

The blood was rushing to my head,
'And soon,' I thought, 'I may be dead,
If I could just get up and move,
I might well dance this Mushroom Groove.

The Mushroom then jumped to my chest,
'Mr. Morgan, you've been blessed,
For I can see inside your head,
And I know what your mind just said.

I'm sorry Mr. Morgan Sir,
I did not mean to scare,
It's my fault that you cannot move,
This is too much to bear.'

The Mushroom jumped down to the floor,
Then sadly hopped towards the door,
Near my mirror he stopped to look,
'Mr. Morgan, I once mistook,

Myself for someone quite adored,
That type of love can't be restored,
I tried to make your life more gay,
But you just want to run away.

I can't go on feeling this hate,
It is now time to end our date.'
He bared his fangs once more and then,
He began to eat his stem.

Nothing that I could have done
Would stop his sick macabre fun,
So lying down I watched my friend,
As there he faced his bitter end.

With vicious bites he tore his veil,
His headcap turning slowly pale,
And when he'd gnawed through his whole stalk,
My mushroom friend began to talk.

'Farewell Mr. Morgan Sir,
I'm glad we met today,
I'm sorry that you feel so bad,
And now I'll go away.'

He sunk his teeth into his cap,
I started as I heard a snap,
And with that snap he disappeared;
A part somewhere inside me cheered.

But celebration was short-lived,
As more I thought of what he'd give
To see me dance with him so gay
On this most strange, most bizarre day.

And so the moral, although trite;
They do not come to us to fight,
Next time mushrooms make you move,
Do them a favour, get up and groove.